Posted By Jim Walker I thought I would share this with you, I'm not sure of its origin but it seems quite feasible to me. Anyone want to comment on control measures "I am writing in response to your request for additional information in section three of the accident report form, where I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. I trust the following will be sufficient: I was working on the roof of a six-storey building and decided to lower left-over bricks, later found to weigh 5001b, in a barrel by using a pulley. Securing the rope at ground level, I swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope. You will note in section 11 of the form that my weight is 1351b. I proceeded rapidly up the side of the building and around the third floor met the barrel, coming down at an equal speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and broken collarbone, this slowed me only slightly as I continued my ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. The bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. It now weighed 501b. On my rapid descent I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations. The encounter seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks, and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, I again let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back on to me. This explains the two broken legs."

Posted By Allan St.John Holt This is not a Scottish thing, but originated in the early Fifties. I'm amazed anyone still thinks it's true or hasn't heard it before. The originator was Gerard Hoffnung, and it was recorded along with a number of his other efforts with orchestras (he played the watering can and garden hose) and one of the more popular items that's broadcast is 'letters from foreign hoteliers'. In that piece the foreign hoteliers trying to write English produce adverts for their premises including 'French widows in every bedroom'. The bricklayer's tale is known as one of the original 'dead grannies'. Allan

Posted By Robert Woods Your lucky your tongue was in your cheek when you wrote this. If it had been there when you had the accident you'd probably have bitten it off.

Posted By Diane Warne This is nothing to do with the original posting, but I wonder if the "letters from foreign hoteliers" that Allan refers to is the same collection that I saw years ago and that made me literally cry with laughter. One of my favourites was the safety advice from a Japanese hire car firm: "If passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Tootle him melodiously at first, but if he continues to obstruct your passage, tootle with more vigour." Unfortunately I have lost the rest!