Posted By John Beadle Obviously some people in the world are only happy if they are complaining about something or other. Allan St.John Holt put a very pleasant chat thread on the system only to get lambasted by some moaning twits about the quality of service from the Royal Mail. Grow up get on with life and enjoy it while you are here, there’s no rehearsal you get one shot at it. Merry Christmas. Please send copy of joke. Give us all the chance to SMILE and be HAPPY.

Posted By Simon Jefferson Allan and All , Merry Christmas & happy New Year. Could you please send me the monkey/RA joke - I could do with a laugh! Thanks Simon Jeferson

Posted By Sophia masuko Merry Xmas everyone!! and yes please Allan I would like to receive the joke. Thanks Sophia

Posted By Peter John Campbell Quill Dear Allan I'll take the joke if it doesn't cost a monkey ... peter@stevenson-reeves.co.uk Thanks in advance. Peter

Posted By Stuart Nagle Hi, Allan. Thank you for your response which was most appreciated. I do realise that many persons in Royal Mail are trying hard to make things work. I can't help thinking though, when a Christmas card arrived from the USA (California) today, that the postage cost of 80 cents (Exchange rate £1.00 = $1.94 - work it out for yourselves) and posted in the US (US postal service frank on the envelope) only 5 days ago, that the UK postage required for my card to reach the same address in the USA (and posted on the same day as the card from the USA) of £1.29 is rather high by comparrison (and has not arrived there yet - asked my relatives to let me know by email when it does - just for interest now). Whilst I'm sure that Royal Mail is striving to make improvements, and as you say, has a lot of post to deal with, in a country the size of the USA, with no doubt just as larger a percentage of mail volume - if not higher, they can afford postal rates that are only a third of those in the UK and they seem to get where they are going quicker!! Lets hope that 2005 will see Royal mail improving the level of service to all its customers....and getting back to basics. So Allen, here's wishing you and all your colleagues a very Merry Christmas and best wishes for the New Year. Regards... Stuart

Posted By Ron Young Hi Allan, I'd like the joke please

Posted By Mark B Jeff, I have noticed, that it is you, in fact that has been desperate for the last word, on both occasions. Merry Christmas everyone.

Posted By John Webster Glad you mentioned the Scottish Islands, Allan, because without the Royal Mail we would have a very poor deal trying to get anything to or from anywhere. Most folk don't notice the small print on so many offers advertised in newspapers and magazines. "Offer valid on UK mainland only" When you call them up and ask why, they come up with the excuse that the offer isn't set up to deal with the extra postal charges - or they want some rediculous extra charge. ( I was once "offered" a mobile phone for an extra carriage charge of £200 - they said they delivered by courier and this would require an extra return journey by plane!!!!). I tell them Royal Mail charges the same price over the whole of the UK, right up to the most remote inhabited island. Oh, we don't use Royal Mail, they tell me. Well if I send a stamp, will you put it in the post? Not allowed to do that, they say!! Unfortunately, this unified pricing structure is under threat from the government, who want to open up more competition, and if this happens we could end up paying several pounds to send each Christmas card by TNT or Pegasus or whatever. So Merry Christmas to the Royal Mail, who constantly amaze me with next day delivery even between here and England. That must be worth a copy of the joke, Allan. John

Posted By Robert Weiland I heard Cliff Richard on Radio today wow took me back. What you call a bear in a xmas outfit ? Santa Paws I'm really sorry..... I'm a big fan of Royal Mail top stuff indeed.

Posted By Stuart Nagle Jeff. Merry Christmas to you too... make the most of your present.... Stuart

Posted By Kirk Sollitt Hi Allan, Could i have a copy of the joke please, Merry Christmas! Many Thanks

Posted By Fiona Cowan Allan This post was certainly early enough for Christmas. Seasons greetings one and all. Please could I havae a copy of the joke Kind regards and apologies in advance for: What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The christmas alphabet has No L. Fiona

Posted By Stuart Nagle Update to my posting of the 6th December: My card arrived in California USA today - 14 days after posting. Stuart

Posted By Jeff You'll like this Allan There was this man who worked for the Post Office and whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day just before Christmas, a letter landed on his desk, simply addressed in shaky handwriting to "God". With no other clue on the envelope, he opened the letter and read: "Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on the State pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had in the world and no pension due until after Christmas. Next week is Christmas and I had invited two of my friends over for Xmas dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. God, can you please help me?" The postal worker was really touched, and put a copy of the letter up on the Staff Notice board, at the main sorting office where he worked. The letter touched the other postmen and they all dug into their pockets and had a whip round. Between them they raised £96. Using an official franked Post Office envelope, they sent the cash on to the old lady, and for the rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had done. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter simply addressed to "God" landed in the Sorting Office. Many of the postmen gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: "Dear God, how can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your generosity, I was able to provide a lovely dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift - in fact we haven't gotten over it and our Vicar is beside himself with joy. By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving b******** at the Post Office."

Posted By Stuart Nagle Heeeee Hoooooo Arrrrrrr.....hhaaaaaa..hhaaaa Nice one Jeff.....just drying the tears up from fits of laugther.... Stuart

Posted By Ken Taylor So that's you knocking off early as well then Allan? With best wishes, Ken

Posted By Jonathan Breeze Merry Christmas Allan and thanks for your contributions to the forum, from which I have learned much. I shan't bother you with a request for the joke then, I'll ask someone else for it. But while you're doing book signings...

Posted By Eric Burt Allan Best wishes for Christmas to you too. 8500 hits now!! (A long way to go though to the 14 000 that the famous "Chartered Status" thread got a while ago) Cheers Eric