Posted By Raymond Rapp During a safety meeting the other day it occurred to me that management have their own speak. As follows: 'We are monitoring the situation' = we have forgotten all about that, but thanks for reminding us. 'We are reviewing our procedures' = we've cocked up, but we are hoping to blame someone else. 'We are currently investigating' = still not found anyone to blame, but getting closer. 'We have identified the problem' = found someone to take the blame. 'We have rectified the problem' = someone has been disciplined. Ray the Cynical

Posted By steven bentham and more . . . "lets have a focus group" - we have no bloody idea at all what to do "you need to make a business case" - this will stall it, you've nearly caught us out here "we will benchmark with others" - even longer stalling technique "its going into our business plan" - the same as above but + 3 years

Posted By Andrew Cartridge Ray I'm with you all the way, try these for "Corporate Lingo" "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": (translation)We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your co-workers. "COMPETITIVE SALARY": (translation)We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. "SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE": (translation)...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries. "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": (translation)We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well. A couple of the really daring guys wear earrings. "JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM": (translation)We all listen to nutty motivational tapes. "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": (translation)You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED": (translation)Some time each night and some time each weekend. "DUTIES WILL VARY": (translation)Anyone in the office can boss you around. "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": (translation)We have no quality control. "NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE": (translation)We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. "PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST": (translation)You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. "REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS": (translation)You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. "GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS": (translation)Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. Happy New Year To All Andy Cartridge

Posted By Karen Todd Some more: "WITH THIS ROLE COMES A LARGE DEGREE OF AUTONOMY" = "You'll be put in an office on your own in the far corner of the factory to keep you well out of the way. You're only here because we've legally got to have you. We don't really care what you get up to". "YOU'RE OVER-REACTING" = "Shut up. You've said enough. I don't want to know". "WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?" = "I don't really give a damn - I'll be passing the blame onto you anyway". K

Posted By ken mosley To alleviate the tedium of management speak in meetings you can try bulls*** bingo. You and a collegue pick five management phrases each and tick them off as they arise in the meeting. The first to tick off his five shouts 'Bingo'. It's great craic as no-one else knows what's going off. My favorite management speaks are ;- "Blue sky thinking" - "Retrospective foresight" - "Roll out an idea" - "Who will buy into it?" - "Thinking outside the box"

Posted By Sylvia Tyler I hear what you are saying but.........../ means they haven't listened and what's more they don't plan on doing a thing about it!! We must be very patient individuals in safety.

Posted By DavidHaddon I can't believe that nobody has mentioned: "HANDS-ON ROLE" Management shorthand for: "You will have to do it yourself, everybody else is too busy for Health and Safety".

Posted By Mark R. Devlin Currently in vogue "going forward" - also, "robust", "worst case scenario", "outside the box", "bottoming out" "lets park that",