Posted By Bill Bircham Tina, You may want to look at the recent RoSPA / TUC missive on this, but be careful, us 'killjoys' in the safety world have enough trouble being taken seriously as it is! Regards Bill

Posted By Stuart Nagle Dinner Dance: 1. Ensure tables are positioned seperately to prevent conga dance using this as route to exit 2. Have someone sober opening wine and bubbly bottles - preferably bar staff, as inexperience (no sorry ineptitude) makes big bruises on foreheads 3. Have plenty of large (liquid retaining) waste bins discretely available for non projectile vomiting 4. Remove bar stools from bar are so the office drunks can't fall off them whilst giving their "when I was in" speech... 5. Try and ensure rugs are non slip type to prevent the CEO PA going for an unsheduled twirl with the chairman 6. Try and designate a smoking area - not on the veranda where the drunks see it they can bomb the passers-by with cigar ends from the 16th floor (butt bins are useful as well as ashtrays), and NO SMOKING at the Bar 7. Have handy control over the PA systems so that the 'merry' rendition of 'My Way' by perkins from accounts can be sensored as and when necessary 8. Try to avoid table lamps as they don't make good footballs 9. Soup stains... so does vomit 9A. Picked onions in flight are harder than you think... 10. All those wishing to partake of extreme rock and roll dance moves should be under 35 years of age and pre-certified medically fit 11. An emergency 'house-wife' kit for sewing up split trousers on suits purchased when waistlines were 38" and not 42" is very much appreciated by certain, shall we say mature, male staff 11A. Ladies in long flowing gown are an accident waiting to happen (when followed by perkins or jenkins)... 12. Frequent checks on both ladies and mens loo's is advisable (doors in loo's should be capable of being opened from the outside) to (dress) and escort home/hale taxis for drunks and the "I'me OK I'me sober honestly" sudden victims of dinner and dance narcolepsy 13. Photography should be banned after 3 hours unless those being photographed are really good sports. 14. Don't photograph seniors with their wives unless permission is asked and given - they might not be their wives! 15. Ensure cold salads don't get warm and hot food is not served cold 16. Don't eat the green bits unless you know their supposed to be there... 17. Fire drills don't go down well at dinner and dances so ensure that all necessary precautions to prevent any unscheduled drills are taken - especially if perkins from accounts has a large cigar under the smoke detector!! or disguntled jenkins from technical has positioned his seat in front of the break glass!! 18. Don't have the music so loud that the safety chap/ess is telling everyone all night that they should have brought their ear defenders and learnt to lip read... 19. Serve drinks in plastic glasses for those going onto the veranda (see 6 above) 20. Ensure that upon finishing for the evening all those that came have left (see 12 above) and all areas are free from burning carpets/curtains etc (see 6 above) and all doors closed behind you 21. Tips for getting a taxi home - dont stand with either perkins or jenkins or you'll be waiting all night...especially when your taxi turns up and your standing next to perkins or jenkins...

Posted By Darren Bates Best laugh I've had all week, excellent Stuart. I hope Tina wasn't being serious, this is taking H&S too far, unless of course, the dinner dance is on company premises!!!