Posted By Renny Thomson
I suppose the following lifted from Transport 2000's website could be viewed as showing they have a sense of humour. However, I suspect they might actually believe it themselves...
First details of Third Gear, the new responsible motoring programme to replace Top Gear, now released...
Transport 2000 has produced ideas for the first couple of episodes of the new all-green alternative to Top Gear, currently the focus of a campaign to send it to the scrapyard to be recycled into Third Gear.
Third Gear will have viewers in stitches on Sunday evening but leave them making responsible transport choices on Monday morning. The new all-green replacement for Top Gear will promote sensible driving in sensible vehicles, rather than madcap dashes to Switzerland in a speeding Ferrari, tank-like rampages across sensitive peat bogs in a 4x4 and deliberate collisions with trees to test the strength of front bumpers. It will replace Top Gear’s two-fingered ‘salute’ to the environment, road safety and other road users like cyclists, with a friendly embrace.
It short, it will be devoted to encouraging responsible motoring based on less environmentally damaging cars, considerate and safety-conscious driving, and thorough exploration of alternatives to the car.
But Jeremy Clarkson could still present the new show because, let’s face it, his face is as much a fixture on the television screen as Tony the Tiger’s is on a packet of Frosties. And he does have his strengths. He is amusing, in a laddish sort of way, and falls into the “I’ll do anything to get on TV” mould which makes for entertaining viewing. But he has his drawbacks. The damaging emissions from the over-powered cars he likes to drive are frequently matched by those from his own mouth, which knows no boundaries. And he comes across as yobbish; he is to responsible driving behaviour what a bag of chips is to haute cuisine.
But Third Gear gives him the chance to present a new image: the greener, more caring Jeremy, willing to slow down for old ladies crossing the road and perhaps even to stop to help the odd cyclist mend a puncture. But there is no reason for him not to be funny in presenting Third Gear’s more responsible take on cars, and transport in general.
Here is the running order for the first two editions of Third Gear, the first to be broadcast on 5 June, World Environment Day, with the follow up a week later during Green Transport Week/Bike Week.
•Jeremy test drives a range of new ‘shopper’ bicycles and assesses the advantages of front basket over rear rack. He takes a trip to his local organic food store and stocks up on green lentils, brown rice and mung beans before stacking them carefully on his bike for the journey home along traffic-calmed Liverpool Road in north London. Once he gets home, he measures the amount of lentils, rice and beans left in the bags before cooking himself a nutritious meal.
•Jeremy is invited by Transport for London to “see it from the bus driver’s point of view” and operate the No. 19 bus through the heart of London during the morning rush hour. Jeremy begins to appreciate considerate behaviour from motorists and is pleasantly surprised by the comfortable, value for money journey he provides for his passengers.
•Jeremy tests out national rail and the London Tube by taking his Brompton folding bicycle from his home in the Cotswolds to Westminster Station, where he joins a demonstration outside Parliament calling for the Government to do more to improve public transport. On the way, he harangues and lampoons train and Tube representatives on why they make it so difficult for people with cycles to use public transport.
•Jeremy drives from London to Paris in a Smart Car, while colleagues try out Eurostar and a plane journey. On arrival at the Eiffel Tower, they all fill large balloons with gas to represent the amount of carbon dioxide their journeys have pumped into the atmosphere. Jeremy and his train-travelling colleague go away with a green halo and get to keep the balloons.
•Jeremy spends a week living in a flat alongside the commuter racetrack that is the A40 West Way in west London. He comes out with a headache on the seventh day and stops a motorist at random with a list of alternatives for making the journey. The driver finally agrees, under the stare of the cameras, that the next day he will catch the train from Oxford or look at the daily coach service. Jeremy takes two aspirin and heads back to the Cotswolds to recover.
•Jeremy joins a police mobile speed camera unit on a dangerous section of the A1 in North Yorkshire. As the police wave drivers into the layby, Jeremy approaches to gently remonstrate with the speeders and sign them up for an advanced driver safety course. Later he joins a demonstration in which 3500 people lie on the road (which his new police friends have kindly closed off) to represent the total death toll on Britain’s roads each year. Ten minutes later, he gets up with an oil stain on his jacket to turn to camera to say: “I was once a boy racer but today I have decided to join Transport 2000.”