Posted By Merv Newman I herebye declare that spontaneous rants are eligible to be posted on any day of the week. RANT : My (spitspitspit remember AUG) secretary. Drove 250 miles monday afternoon so as to be in good form at 9am board meeting at cattle cake and pig swill sovesso plant. Arrived at hotel 8pm to find message that tuesday meeting was cancelled. Left slightly miffed message on client's answer phone. Had dinner (poulet roti aux olives, bit overcooked. Wine OK but then, has anyone ever had a bad St Emillion ?) Finished book (Ramage's Diamond : Napoleonic wars, wooden walls, naval battles. English captain beating crap out of the French. Most cathartic) Drove back to the office this morning. Secretary suprised to see me. NEXT tuesday's meeting is cancelled. Not the one planned for this morning. Spitspitspit. Image of secretary over knee. Image of secretary's brothers bending merv over knee. Backwards. Now what do I do ? Merv (remember AUG)

Posted By PST (Image of Merv dressed as a 1700c royal navy captain) At a dramatic and swashbuckling pace place your hands behind you on the floor; flip your legs over your head into a resulting standing position sword drawn. Is the brother on the pay role? If not why was he there? Why was your secretary surprised to see you?

Posted By Merv Newman 1. I do have a fast car - Rover 75 (don't laugh) 2. I do have a PDA with GPS, helps to find hotel and sites 3. Secretary was surprised because I was supposed to be at THIS Tuesday's meeting. 4. Brothers are not on payroll, but would be around instantly 5. Can't fire secretary. She's too good for me. (and a tri-athlete, same as brothers and boyfriend) 6.what was that about standing on my hands and then drawing my sword ? I my be Ok on double entendres and swift with a parry and riposte but I aint that good on quarte ou sixte or even fleche at my age. Long time since I handled a saber but my épée is still hanging on the wall. Ready. Round 'em all up. Put 'em in a field. And bomb the honoured gentlemen. (K Everet, Beeb) (almost) Merv (waiting for dinner. Sweet and sour meatballs ?)

Posted By Jonathan Breeze I quite like the B1 Bis myself - what a mad design! Plus, there would be added irony value if you used it.

Posted By Philby' johnathan, your emails hidden, send a photo of the mad design please!? Philby'

Posted By Philby' mechanised infantry combat vehicle...the Russians claim, with good reason, to have invented the concept...however there is historical photographic evidence to suggest the Germans did in WWII, albeit cobbled together stuff!

Posted By Mark Talbot Merv - not much to do now about this one, unless you want to go to the meeting next Tuesday as pennance .... But - make mental note to call Secretary next time you get a message. You can now get telephones without wires that can be taken even further than France. Bizzare but true (but don't confuse them for cameras, games consoles, diaries, alarm clocks, address books, interweb browsers, or text machines). You can even use them to speak English to English folk while you are in another country - no need for bable fish.