Rank: Guest 
|
Posted By Phillipe
Hi
Shortly going to be doing a "day in the life" for our in house company newsletter. I am looking for some one liners/anecdotes etc that I may be able to "squeeze in"
Any suggestions?
Cheers
Phil
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By David Bramall
Phillipe
"She was only a roof makers daughter -
but she liked her asphalt"
OK its not ecxactly H&S but it gets me every time har har
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Pete48
Phillipe,
how about
This one overheard whilst passing by an on-going discussion on site safety.
Q. "why cant I wear my safety helmet back to front?".
A. for the same reason as your mouth and your backside are on opposite sides of your body. Try using them the wrong way round and see what happens!"
Q. why do I have to put a sign up about not smoking when it is now illegal. I don't have to put one up telling people that murder is not allowed in these premises?
A. safety person stifles a laugh.
Pete
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Carl Currie
How about the scaffolder who says "I've been doing this years! I've only fallen once" Health & Safety Advisor sighs.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Chris Jerman
I had a boss who in relation to the outcome of a risk assessment declared that there could be a 'serious fertility'
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Carl Currie
what was the Risk Assessment in relation to ?!?!?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Linda Westrupp
Common sense - far from common?
H&S law of probability - the short cut often leads to the hospital
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Robert K Lewis
You could do late arrivals at the H&S Ball
eg
Mr & Mrs Bull and the daughters
Lyah and Practica
Mr & Mrs Essment
and their silly son Ass
Have a competition for the best!!!
Bob
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Robert.
I thought I made a mistake once-----------but I was wrong!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By David A Cooper
If you've been doing it like that for 30 years and not had an accident then you are 30 years closer to having one!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Descarte
first one posted, reminded me of black adder quote,
"She was only the iron mongers daughter, but she knew an aweful lot about fish as well."
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By David Bramall
Phillipe
Im afraid you dont appear to be having much luck here - by the way apologies for the "roof makers daughter" but I do vaguely remember a posting on here - "LOLER by the Kinks"
Whoever thought of that one is a genius, perhaps he /she will get in touch!
Otherwise Tommy Cooper may be useful
"Doctor I hurt my arm in several places"
"Dont go to those places"
I still like LOLER - thats my favourite.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Peter Leese
MD: You're saying I have to put a sign up about not smoking because it is now illegal. But I don't have to put one up telling people that stealing or murder is not allowed in these premises?
Safety Advisor: Yes
MD: Stifles a laugh and says 'The world has gone mad'.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Mick154
I think there is only one, “one-liner” that sums up Health and Safety from a company point of view
Just after you have told the MD what he has to do or provide his/her reply
“It’s going to cost bloody how much “
Or words to that effect
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Ian G Hutchings
After being asked if three fatalities was just bad luck "if it wasn't for all of this bad luck you wouldn't be having any luck at all!".
Q. What do you get if you cross a health and safety manager and a librarian.
A. All the information you could ever need but no idea what to do with it!
Cheers
Ian
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Peter Leese
After being asked if three fatalities was just bad luck "if it wasn't for all of this bad luck you wouldn't be having any luck at all!".
Ian - so three people have been killed and someone has asked if that was bad luck, and then said this? Come on, you'll need to put this in context. Personally I find it hard to believe.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By stevehaigh
To Assume
Make an ass of u and me
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Ian G Hutchings
Peter
Unfortunately it was very true. A site (can't name the industry/location) had a fatality every year for three years and wanted a consultancy to find out if there was a problem or whether it was bad luck. Straight from the site managers mouth!
Ian
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Peter Leese
Ian - it's an odd world.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Booney
Phil,
I have a 4-page Word document containing slogans, anecdotes, one-liners etc; if you would like a copy, please feel free to contact me.
Not a one-liner but, one of my favourites is this:
“When anyone asks me how I can best describe my experience in nearly forty years at sea, I merely say, uneventful. Of course there have been winter gales and storms and fog and the like but, in all my experience, I have never been in an accident...or any sort worth speaking about. I have seen but one vessel in distress in all my years at sea. I never saw a wreck and have never been wrecked nor was I ever in any predicament that threatened to end in disaster of any sort."
Captain Edward John Smith - RMS Titanic
Kind Regards
Booney
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Alison WR The US Navy site is often worth a look - eg "remember that the sole purpose of your life may be to serve as an example to others" [they also have great photos - http://www.safetycenter....hoto/archive/default.htm and loads of usable tips] In terms of the stuff that people grow to tolerate, there's Alan Minter's "of course there have been deaths in boxing, but none of them serious" Flawed risk assessment - John Sedgwick, General in the US civil war, trying to encourage troops who were ducking for cover against snipers. Sedgwick said "I'm ashamed of you, they couldn't hit an elephant at this distance" seconds later, they shot him through the head. Often quoted as "they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist.." And there are jokes and stories at http://www.safetyphoto.co.uk/subsite2/index.htmAlison
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Guest
|
Posted By Richard Hinckley
A true story of a HSE Inspector visiting premises last year, walked into the reception to find a chap sat on someones shoulders whilst changing a light fitting, when challenged by the inspector the response by the maintenance chap was, have you not heard - "Ladders are BANNED".
You could not make this stuff up!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.