Genuine enquiries received by HSE Infoline… • I’ve had an operation and want to know if I can bury what they took out of me in the garden? • ‘I’m looking for the health and safety requirements for exhuming a dead body’. ‘Is there anything in particular you’re looking for?’ ‘Yes, a corpse.’ • My employer makes me work 33 days a month • Where can I get a passport for my horse? • I have invented a burglar alarm that electrocutes intruders. Can I test it on animals? • Is the following reportable under RIDDOR? A guy is driving his refuse truck and sees a bank robber armed with a sawn‐off shotgun making his escape. He decides to be a have‐a‐go hero and gives chase, only to be coshed over the head with the gun. Is this an act of work‐related physical violence? • What do you know about sheep cosmetics? They’ve been banned from most shows, but some people try to use them anyway to make their sheep look better than the rest.

Here in Swansea we like our sheep with just a hint of blusher :-)

Getting the passport would not be the difficult part; getting the horse into the photo booth, now there's the challenge!

Katie Morag's Grannie Island's sheep (I forget its name) won the island show when they used Granma Mainland's special shampoo on it. They didn't tell Granma Mainland, and I don't think it was declared to the judges either. Much as I don't want to sober-up a Friday thread: the RIDDOR one - if it was a housleholder who coshed him through dissatisfaction with the rubbish collection service, it would be RIDDOR, as I understand it. If it was a householder that merely threatened to cosh him, it would not, even if the trauma of the incident led to >3 days off work. I'm not actually sure in the case of someone at work deciding to do something that is not part of their work. What is the answer?

'I have invented a burglar alarm that electrocutes intruders. Can I test it on animals?' Same thing if you ask me!

Don't be sillly - they'd send it through the X-ray machine. Now that would wake up the operator! Wouldn't want to be the one to frisk it if it sets off the alarm though.

The youngsters go to Derby!

Sean, It's true that most prefer to stay at home & visit Weston Super Mare or the Filly Isles, & that foreign travel is not usually on their agenda just in case they get the trots, but many may long to visit places like Canteron, etc. Who are we to deny them?

Your all barking mad so trot off and do something worthwhile.

Can't comment on this particular batch, but a selection of enquiries like these appear in the HSE in-house magazine every month.