I thought that as well as the Olympics, the Para Olympics, and the Culture Olympics we could propose an HSE Olympics. I've spent a bit of thought on possible events, including the "reaction" events where you have to do something very quickly, like putting on or adjusting PPE (starting gun replaced by the pop-up appearance of an HSE auditor) (we'll exclude archery from that one) We will also need some field events - how high or how far you can throw a a hard hat for example, wrestling on a safety harness, erecting a 10 meter scaffold while wearing said safety harness (could be a combined event) Endurance events could be watching power point presentations without falling into a coma, long distance button polishing and box ticking. but I need a few more ideas including the velodrome, the aquacenter and the equestrian events. Any ideas ? We don't want to go over the top so forget the inherently dangerous sports such as football and ladies tennis. And what should we include in the opening ceremony ? A closing ceremony including mass demonstrations by St John's Ambulance would be good. They should have plenty of material by then. Merv

What about polishing our nice leather elbow patches? Or jumping to conclusions (or through hoops)? How long can you hold your breath in a confined space? Balancing on purlins while walking between fragile roof panels? Bungee jumping (in safety harness etc) and how quick you can be recovered from a difficult situation - extra penalties for loss of limbs etc due to loss of circulation? Who can wear the most (in)compatible PPE - maybe that's a bit more like CRACKERJACK!!!! One for the consultants - juggling who can keep the most jobs going at once (maybe a nice thought in these dire times?)? Opening ceremony what about a parade of those that make such silly decisions in the name of H&S - we could give the crowd soft tomatoes in order for them to show their appreciation? Closing - what about some dancing in skimpy costumes (both male and female - i would hate to be called sexist) to show that we don't always take ourselves too seriously? Is it beer o clock yet? I am supposed to be job hunting not wasting time making silly posts on the forum. A good weekend is wished to one and all. Stu

If we do, can we at least acknowledge that this is a UK event? I'm utterly sick of continued references to "Team GB" (the BBC, senior politicos, etc.) The Country hosting the Olympic Games is the United Kingdom (of Great Britain and Northern Ireland). Of course, I don't propose any sort of fancy rostrum be constructed for the medal awards - any one of my numerous soap boxes would suffice!

How about a contest for lawyers and claims agents to see who can issue a claim letter in the fastest time? This suggestion is inspired by a claim received some years ago by my employer at the time regarding a pupil at one of its secondary schools who had accidentally cut himself with a craft knife during an art lesson. It seems that his father went to see him at the hospital A&E dept where his laceration needed several stitches and then went straight to a solicitor to initiate a claim alleging negligence by the school/art teacher. The claim letter was received by my employer next day so had evidently been compiled and posted on the same day as the accident. My investigation found that the teacher had specifically shown all the pupils how to use craft knives to carry out a particular task in a specific safe manner. However, the pupil chose to perform the task in a different and unsafe way. It is likely that the claim foundered after the investigation findings were relayed to the solicitor. Also, perhaps the father might have learnt that it would have been better to contact the school to discuss and consider what had actually happened than go direct to a solicitor!

One we may come across after a HSE vist - The high jump!

The aquacentre should be used exclusively to host the Daily Snail ducking stool.....H&S advisors put in the chair and ducked until they agreed that they went overboard on H&S. If they haven't drowned by this point, they then move the goalposts and duck you whilst you say you didn't do enough on H&S....either way you're stuffed!

ha ha ha ha................... :-)

Sounds like a NEBOSH event to me...

Having ridden in a velodrome it is a queasy experience due to the compression placed upon you as you go round. It is also quite a frightening looking down from the top of a 46 degree bank! The bikes also have no brakes and have a fixed wheel!