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Posted By Steve Langston
There seems to be more and more product safety warnings and instructions on packaging or in workplaces. Anyone want to contribute any they are aware of. Here are some to start people off, (that I have come across):
Warning this product MAY contain nuts (on a packet of roasted peanuts)
To eat this product open packet, eat contents. (yes on another pack of peanuts)
Warning - new antislip surface
Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice (on a packet of rat poison)
Clean thoroughly before using orally if product has previously been used rectally (thermometer)
Any one for any more?
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Posted By fats van den raad
"the wearing of this garment does not enable the wearer to fly" on a kid's Superman Cape
One that always creased me up "Do not swallow" on a tub of copperslip grease. (Does that mean it's OK to put it in your mouth then??)
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Posted By Karen Todd
Not a warning, but a strange instruction and rather unnecessary me thinks.
Next time you go to McDonalds, look at what is printed on the side of the brown bags - packing instructions. It shows the user how to position the burgers and chips inside the bag...
Karen
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Posted By Steve Langston
Just been sent this one direct and have to share it:
Beware. To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.
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Posted By Gilly Margrave
Being rather literal minded I've always been confused by the warning "Do not use if seal broken"...how do I get the lid off without breaking the seal!
Also just notice this on a can of insecticide:
"For use only as an insecticide for amateur use against flying insects" .. does that mean you're not meant to use it if you're any good a zapping the little blighters?
Gilly
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Posted By Kinnikin
These are great!
I quite like the serving suggestions on some packets of food. Although they are not warnings sometimes the suggestions are just that bit too obvious (eg Pizza).
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Posted By Robert.J
All really amusing (really,I like it)but do you all really spend that much time reading labels, or is it something to do in between train spotting.
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Posted By Gilly Margrave
Is "this bag may suffocate babies and small children" a warning or a serving suggestion?
also
Sleeping pills "may cause drowsiness"
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Posted By Gilly Margrave
Maybe Robert can help solve a riddle that's been bugging me for years. If there are so many train spotters around why don't you see more spotty trains? (told you I was a bit literal minded)
Gilly
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Posted By Robert.J
Ok you got me
On a packet of prescribed pessaries (not for me)
NOT TO BE TAKEN ORALLY
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Posted By Robert.J
Or "THIS WAY UP"
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Posted By Delwynne
My personal favourite being 'do not turn box upside down' usually to be found on the bottom of boxes containing fragile items.
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Posted By steve e ashton
On the MSDS for a proprietary hand cleanser
'Avoid skin contact'
TRUE!
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Posted By Heather Aston
On a blow-up child's beach ball "not to be used as a life preserver"
On an MSDS for distilled water - "if product gets in eyes wash out at once with water."
Hang on, there goes the 10.15 to Penzance (I can see platform 1 Westbury station from my office window - just for Robert)
Heather
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Posted By Steve Langston
I guess many of them follow accidents or claims against companies but stating the obvious - here are some more:
For use by trained people only (can of air freshener)
Do not use for drying pets (microwave oven!!)
Remove child and fold (what the child or the pushchair!)
Do not drive or operate machinery (childrens cough mixture)
For indoor or outdoor use only (packaging of christmas lights)
Steve
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Posted By fats van den raad
On a slight hijacking tangent.....
I've come across these phrases from foreign climes where something got slightly lost in the translation. It's good for a chuckle on a Monday, anyway!
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9&11 am daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel for skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On a menu in a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On a menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience we recommend coourteous, effecient self-service.
In a Bangkok cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Hong Kong dress shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
From the Soviet weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the porter.
In Germany's Black Forest:
It is strickly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men & women, live together in one tent unless they are married for that purpose.
An ad by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
A Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here & spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czech tourist agency:
Take one of our horse driven tours---we guarantee no miscarriages.
Ad for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride your own ass?
On a faucet in a Finnish restroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin.
On a box of a clockwork toy in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop---Drive sideways.
Swiss mountain inn:
Special today--no ice cream.
Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed like a man.
Tokyo bar:
Special cocktail for the ladies with nuts.
Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
Office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find that they are best in the long run.
Japanese instructions on an air conditioner:
Cooles & Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
Car rental brochure in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking;
Here speeching American.
On the box of a Vietnamese laughing tip-toy:
Can't invert with laugh
The laugh begin. you are youthful
Automatize
As poke as shaky as shaky as laugh
During the use. open the lid of top and take two cells (NO. 5) in the box. If you want to stop laugh or don't use for a long time. you must take out the cells (This seller have no cells)
A sign on the lion cage at a zoo in the Czech Republic:
No smoothen the lion
A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire:
If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.
A notice in a Japanese hotel (ca. 1950):
Please not to steal towels. If you are not person to do such, please not to read notice.
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Posted By colin
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the
box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if
we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the
translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood
belief.)
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Posted By Robert Bradford
I seem to recall the television adverts for LO-SALT stating that LO-SALT could be added when cooking or eating.
Presumably it is not suitable for intravenous use.
R
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Posted By Lee Thompson
A label pinned on our notice board from off clothing from Marks and Sparks:
"In the interest of safety it is advisable to keep your child away from fire and flames"
Since its only advise I think i'll take the chance!!
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Posted By Robert S Woods
On an inflatable dinghy "Do not eat this product".
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