Posted By Ian Blenkharn
The Job Description

I trod, where fools alone may tread,
To speak what’s better left unsaid,
The day my boss told me his view
Of what I was supposed to do;

And after two years in the task,
I thought him it right to ask,
In case I’d got it badly wrong,
Ad-hoc’ing as I went along.

He raised his desultory eyes,
And made no effort to disguise
That, what had caused my sudden whim,
Had equally occurred to him;

And thus we did embark upon
Our classic corporate contretemps,
To separate the fact from fiction,
Bedevilling my job description.

For first he asked me to construe
A list of things I really do;
While he - he promised – would prepare
A note of what he thought they were;
And, with the two, we’d take as well
The expert view from Personnel,
And thus eliminate the doubt
On what my job was all about.

But when the boss and I conflated
The tasks we’d separately stated,
The evidence became abundant
That one of us must be redundant;
For what I stated I was doing
He claimed himself to be pursuing,
While my role, on his definition,
Was way outside my recognition.

He called in Personnel to give,
A somewhat more definitive
Reply, but they, by way of answer,
Produced some vague extravaganza,
Depicting in a web of charts,
Descriptive and prescriptive parts,
Of tasks, the boss and I agree,
Can’t possibly refer to me.

So, hanging limply as I am,
In limbo on the diagram,
Suspended by a dotted line
From functions that I thought were mine,

I feel it’s maybe for the best
I made my innocent request;
I hopefully await their view
On which job of the three I do!


From The Bottom Line: A Book of Business Ballards, by Bertie Ramsbottom, Century Hutchinson Ltd, London

Hope this doesn't happen to you Colin!